


Atonement

by twentyfourshreds



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon)
Genre: Character Arcs suck, Crying, Gen, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Post-Season/Series 03, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, back on my old shit, idk but just take it off my hands, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twentyfourshreds/pseuds/twentyfourshreds
Summary: Alucard was left alone after watching his father die under his hands. Now he is once again alone after killing his new-found friends and at one time lovers.He should not be left alone.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> Ha, this was a vent but I feel like some of you would enjoy it.
> 
> "I am breaking open.  
> My insides are pink and raw,  
> And it hurts me when I move my jaw..."  
> 'Absolute Lithops Effect' _All Hail West Texas_ \- The Mountain Goats

He sat in the dim light of the dying embers, watching the last scraps of cotton crumble into ash. There was a great empty void where his lungs ended, and every breath brought tumbling heat into his veins. He had mourned enough in the moonlight and wept tears enough to soak through the rug to mix with the ashes of his father. The blood had been scrubbed from his body and nails, but he knew that the warmer months would bring reeking miasma outside his doors. There was no escape from what he had done.

He sat, stewing. The rolling waves of ire filled him to the brim with an unbridled pain that his chest seized. He felt the presence of hot tears behind his eyes, and somehow that made it worse yet.

His soul growled in disgust at his actions while his mind forced him to watch his hands as he murdered his father, and then once again as he murdered his once friends.

_'They fucked you and left you.'_

_'They were right to kill you, patricide.'_

_'Perhaps you're just an angry teenager in an adults body.'_

His soul howled at the new dialogue, and his mind tore the last of his resolve. The thought of his only friends, who-- according to his mind-- never really were his friends at all, were as his mind believed: charlatans.

_'But the Hold-' he weakly protested._

_'Tossed without regard to a perverted demon.'_

_'Her hand on my shoulder-' he tried once again._

_'She held hands with the one who wouldn't hesitate to rend you limb from limb.'_

A sense of sick gratification washed over him at the thought. He was a lie, and the visceral end drew the ire into needle precision. He raised a fist and brought it down onto the hearth, skin searing with the coals, stone cracking under the force. It burned, but not as much as the lacerated burns across his newly defaced body.

Another wave of ugly revulsion passed over him, and his voice gave way in a blood-curdling howl. He wept.

The sun began to creep into the windows of the castle, and it took the room's blanket of dimness. His body burned, and as he wept he felt the ghosts of hot blood spilling over his legs and saw the broken solemnity in their eyes against the black of his eyelids; it broke his heart. He heard his last exchanges with his father, and replayed the panicked, suicidal fervour that clouded his eyes; it filled him with molten fury.

Another soul-shattering wail broke the sobs, and he clutched the hearth, now completely curled into himself. He felt waves crash over him in slow, excruciating time, and the noise that was wrenched from his chest burned with sheer loathing.

His atonement was far from over, and no matter how deep he searched, there could be neither honesty nor trust.

He wept the loss of his first friends, long before they returned home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


End file.
